The Princess and The Quixote
by galsbeingpals
Summary: SQ AU. Fifteen year old "princess" Regina Mills is taken into care. She meets "quixote" Emma Swan at her foster home in Storybrooke. (The quixote thing is all explained in ch1.) They begin a strange kind of friendship, strengthened by their mutual struggles.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I am one of the most unreliable fic writers ever. That said, I love writing and I love YOU so… You should still read my stuff.

Trigger Warning: Abuse/PTSD.

* * *

THE PRINCESS AND THE QUIXOTE

"Is that everything?"

Regina Mills looked around the room she had slept in for the last fifteen years and wondered how on earth she could fit "everything" into a suitcase, a sports bag, and the designer satchel she used for school.

"What will happen to the rest of it?"

The social worker looked up from her iPhone and shrugged. Miss Blue. How could her name be a colour, anyway? Regina gave her a look of great disdain and examined her bookshelf. Blue had said three. Three books that weren't school books. _You can join a library_. She hadn't even bothered to ask about Rocinante, her stallion. Her mother's lawyers would take care of it all, she supposed.

Blue examined the child in front of her, then looked down at her notes.

_Name: Regina Mills _

_Date of Birth: July 15, 1999_

_Date taken into custody: December 18, 2014_

_Circumstances of intervention: First report received from school in September, teacher noticed unusual behaviour. Investigation initiated in October when refusal to participate in gym led nurse to find unexplained bruises. Court ruled 12/18 for Regina Mills to be taken into the permanent custody of the state of Maine. Mother, Cora Mills, to face trial. Father, Henry Mills, deceased since 2010. _

_Notes: Regina is exceptionally bright, but seems quite antisocial. She speaks only when absolutely necessary. Largely self sufficient but emotionally underdeveloped. High risk - counselling recommended. Regina was abused both physically and emotionally by her mother, though she will not speak of it. She is determined to appear as if nothing is wrong. She can be physically violent herself, though this is never directed at people. She speaks very maturely, she expects people to do as she says. She attended one of the best private schools in the state - her continued attendance there will not be possible, which may prove difficult. _

Blue sighed. It was so close to Christmas… She did not break up families. She mended them. But on days like this, it was hard to see her job that way. She looked up at Regina again. The bruise around her left eye had faded somewhat, but it was still fairly prominent. The cut on her lip, which had required stitches, also marred her beautiful face. She would have a scar forever.

Blue picked up the suitcase.

"Ready?" she asked, knowing better than to force her usual smile. Regina inclined her head, picking up her bag and satchel. She smoothed down her skirt and followed Blue outside. Blue locked the door with the key she had been given by the police, then led the way to her car.

Regina put her bags in the trunk and got into the passenger seat. She looked out of the window immediately so she wouldn't be tempted to ask questions. She refused to talk to these people. They had destroyed her life. Yes, her mother had been cruel, but Regina had had a plan. It had been less than a year to go, less than a year and she had screwed it up over a stupid gym lesson and forgetting to stock up on concealer. She wondered where they were going. She paid attention, as always, to the way Blue drove, to the streets they took…

"It's not far now," Blue said after about twenty minutes. She had avoided making conversation until now because she did not like talking to herself, but the silence had become too much for her. "We're going to a town called Storybrooke. People haven't usually heard of it, but it's actually quite large. You'll be staying with a woman called Mrs Lucas, but everybody calls her Granny on account of how long she's been doing this. She has two girls with her right now, Tina, and Emma. Emma is your age, I think; Tina is a bit older. Her adopted daughter, Ruby, also lives there. She's in her twenties and everybody likes her."

Regina pretended not to listen, but her stomach churned at the idea of the other girls. Why couldn't they just leave her alone? Why did Blue think she would be happy that there was another girl there who was her age? The last thing Regina needed now was to be expected to make friends with some weird foster kid who was probably descended from addicts or criminals and well on the way to following the same path.

They were getting to a forest now. Regina wondered if there were riding trails. They passed a sign: _Welcome to Storybrooke_. As they approached the town, Regina noticed a sign for _Storybrooke Stables_. She tried to memorise where it was so she could explore there later. Rocinante would love these woods- But Rocinante would never see them. She closed her eyes and sent out whatever trace of love she had in her heart to her only friend.

Blue pulled up outside a diner. Regina wondered if she would be forced to eat…

"We're here," Blue said, getting out of the car and opening the trunk to get Regina's bags. Regina looked around, wondering where "here" was.

"Oh, right, I forgot to tell you - Granny also runs a diner. You don't have to help out, but you can earn some money if you do."

Regina thought about her own bank account. Would it have been cancelled? Would she still be able to use it? She decided that this was a question she could ask.

"What about my own money?"

Blue looked apologetic. "I'm afraid all of that will have been frozen. Because you're a minor, everything of yours is considered your mother's. The situation is quite complicated and it varies from case to case, but what I would imagine is, the court will get your mom to put some money into a trust fund for you, and you'll get access to it when you're eighteen. Even if your mom wanted to give you money, she couldn't - because that wouldn't be fair on the other kids."

Regina resisted the temptation to roll her eyes. Fair? This woman was talking about things being fair, now?

"Tomorrow, Granny and I will go over everything with you, and you can ask any questions you have. Right now, it's late, you must be exhausted, so we'll go inside and I'll leave you to have dinner and get a good night's rest, okay?"

Blue wondered why she was still speaking as if she expected an answer.

"Is there anything else you can think of that I could tell you about now?"

Regina did at least consider this question, but she could think of nothing else purely functional, and she could not reveal any emotional investment. Feelings were weakness. She followed Blue around to the back door (the diner was closed) and into the house.

"You must be Regina," the grey haired woman said. She was round and comfortable, with a smile that Regina considered a little too cheery, and eyes Regina considered a little too bright.

Granny put her hands on her hips. "You can call me Granny," she said, evaluating the newcomer. "Everyone does. We're just washing up for dinner so why don't you come on in and get something to eat. Blue, do you want to stay?"

Blue set down the suitcase. "No, thank you. I should be getting home. I'll see you tomorrow, though."

She caught Regina's eye, trying to convey some kindness, some hope. Regina stared her down, her features defiantly blank. Blue ignored the guilt creeping into her heart for her feelings towards the girl - because she did not like her at all. She was… There was something about her. Something that Blue found terrifying. It was her silence, her complete lack of emotion, her refusal to engage. Blue tried to understand. Regina had been through a lot. But Blue had seen her frequently over the court proceedings, she'd tried to help the girl, she could have made things so much easier… Yet Regina insisted on doing it all alone. Blue was sure she must be suffering. Her willingness to suffer, and her willingness to suffer before anyone had discovered, was… Difficult to cope with.

* * *

"You said I wouldn't have to share!"

The skinny blonde with bright green eyes had been yelling at Granny for about half an hour, demanding Regina sleep somewhere other than the spare bed in what Emma considered _her _room.

"Emma, please," Granny said, her patience clearly wearing thin. "She has to sleep somewhere."

"She can sleep in Tink's room."

"_Tina _is sixteen, she gets her own room."

Tink grinned wickedly. Regina pretended she was deaf. And blind.

"Why do I have to give up my space just because I'm younger? I'm way more mature than she is."

"You're not showing it right now," Granny pointed out.

Emma screamed in frustration. Regina raised her eyebrows almost imperceptibly. She had never seen a fifteen year old have a screaming tantrum before. Emma seemed to realise she was being ridiculous; she controlled herself a little, but continued to pace around the dining room throwing insults at her foster mother. Ruby chuckled. All she needed was some popcorn. Tink was similarly amused. Any fear that Emma's arguments would be successful disappeared when the screaming started. Regina detested them all, even Granny. The whole argument was about _her_. About how awful she was, what an inconvenience she was, how awful it would be to share a room with her. Regina wasn't hurt, she did not care at all what people thought of her. But she did not want to share a room, she did not want to sit at this table and be discussed, she did not want to listen to a crazy screaming blonde, and she did not want to be here.

She stood up and left the room. She went straight for the back door. It was locked. She evaluated quickly. There was a window, also locked. Without even glancing back to the idiots arguing down the hall, she climbed up on the sideboard and kicked the window as hard as she could. The glass shattered. She jumped outside. They would have heard the glass, of course, so she ran. She had $50 stuffed into her boot. That would be enough for a bus to… Well, to somewhere. She did not know the town, though, and it was deceptively large. She ran. It had started to rain; she was quite cold in her skirt and blouse but she told herself firmly that running would keep her warm.

She heard a car approaching and ran faster, searching in vain for a side street to duck into.

Ruby slowed down to keep pace with Regina.

"Hey, kid!" she yelled through the rain. Regina ignored her.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay. They were being assholes. We were. Emma even feels bad. Come on, get in the car. You have to sleep somewhere. Where are you trying to go? There aren't any buses until morning anyway. You might as well stay the night."

Regina stopped. Where _was _she going? She realised she was being just as foolish as Emma, the screaming wild child. She stood still, looking straight ahead. She had broken a window. She was running through the rain with no destination, and not even a jacket. She got into the car, commanding her body not to shiver.

"Shit, you must be freezing!" Ruby said, turning up the heat. She turned the car around. Unlike Blue, she didn't seem at all put off by Regina's silence. "I know it can be a bit overwhelming. I don't blame you for running, I don't think Granny does either. But this is a good place. I stayed in tons when I was a kid, bounced around like a kangaroo." Regina almost laughed at the bizarre simile. "I don't know your story, Regina, but we're all here for you. Even Emma. She just gets mad. Gosh, you really don't talk, do you? I bet you're real smart, though. Probably plotting world domination or something behind those big, mysterious eyes… I've always been a chatterbox. And you heard Emma. I guess we're a loud bunch. If that bothers you, just, like, wave the word or something though. I'll get them to shut up."

Ruby pulled into the drive. "You can call me Red, by the way. Lots of colours, Blue for your social worker, Red for your foster sister. Come on, let's go inside, let Granny know she doesn't have to call the cops."

Regina followed Red back into the house, trying not to show any embarrassment for her behaviour. Emma and Tink were in the kitchen washing the dishes. Granny was in the living room. Red wrapped Regina in a huge towel, then nodded to her to go in and see Granny. Regina stood, uncertain. Granny walked over to her- and instinct kicked in. Regina shrank back against the wall breathing in quick, desperate gasps, her arms up to shield her face, her whole body shaking as she waited for the blows that were bound to come. She closed her eyes, pressing her lips together, making everything go black…

Nothing happened. Regina opened her eyes to see Granny sitting on the floor a few feet away. Slowly, Regina unfolded herself from the ball she had curled up into and sat leaning against the wall, slowing down her breathing, eyes glued to her knees.

"May I sit beside you?"

Regina gave a tiny incline of her head. Granny shuffled over, sitting beside her against the wall. They were about the same height; Regina looked at the row of 4 feet, 20 toes, 104 bones…

"What you did just now was not a fantastic set of decisions," Granny began carefully. "But honestly, I'm not even mad at you. Emma was out of line and we all got caught up in it, and that must have been awful for you. I'm sorry."

She waited. Regina looked up from the feet and into the gentle eyes that studied her.

"What is more," Granny added. "Even if you _were _in trouble, you… No one is going to hurt you here. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you are safe in this house. Emma will come around. She even said she would make your bed, after you, uh, left."

There was another pause. Regina had only maintained eye contact for about a second before going back to her podiatrical study.

"May I ask why you don't speak?"

Regina shrugged. "Nothing to say," she mumbled.

"Fair enough. We'll go through the rules properly tomorrow, but is there anything you want to ask about now?"

Regina thought about it. After a moment, she reached into her boot and pulled out the fifty dollars. She handed it to Granny.

"For the window," she said. "I don't know if it will be enough, but I don't have any more. They took away my bank account."

Granny looked at the money. On the one hand, Regina wasn't supposed to have it. On the other, the insurance would pay for the window and she felt at least partially responsible for it being broken at all.

"I am going to keep this because you can't really have it with you, but I'm going to put it in the safe - it's still yours. If you think of something you want it for, let me know and we'll work on it."

This surprised Regina. She plucked up her courage. She could ask something else. It wasn't just for her, she had to ask.

"I have a horse," she said, her tone showing none of her nervousness. Granny raised her eyebrows in a question. Regina continued. "He's a stallion called Rocinante, and he lives at Palace Stables. He's mine, not my mother's - my father left him to me. I saw on the way here that there are stables. I know the money isn't close to what it would cost to keep him but I would work, there, or for you, here, like Miss Blue said. We could spend the money on renting a box to bring him."

Granny considered this. She was sure it was against some rule or other, but she had never been a stickler for them. And if the horse belonged to Regina…

"I will see what I can do. I'm afraid I can't promise anything, but I'll talk to Blue in the morning. Do you have the number for, Palace Stables, was it?"

Regina nodded, pulling out her cell phone. Granny got up to write the number on a piece of paper.

"Would you mind giving me your number, too, while we're here?"

It was only a few seconds before Regina recited it. She had realised, sitting on the floor, that she was utterly drained.

"Bath. Cocoa. Bed," Granny said, offering her a hand up. Regina got up without the hand. Granny showed her to the bathroom. Emma appeared in the doorway as Granny was explaining how everything worked.

"Granny, where are the purple sheets?"

"You can get sheets from the linen closet, you know that."

"Yeah," Emma said, looking a little sheepish. "But I wanted the purple ones. They're nice and," she gestured to Regina, "she seems like a purple type of person."

Granny looked at Regina, a twinkle in her eye. "Are you all good here?"

Regina nodded.

"Okay. I'll leave you to it, then. It seems I'm going on a sheet hunt."

* * *

"Aha!" Emma exclaimed, grabbing the sheets from a pile in the laundry room, causing several towels to tumble onto the floor.

"Oh shit, I mean, shoot," she said. Granny held in a laugh as Emma refolded the towels and then charged upstairs with the sheets. She followed.

"You're making her bed," she observed.

"No shit Sherlock," Emma said. Granny rolled her eyes.

"That's nice of you."

"No it's not!" Emma said hurriedly. "I want to go to bed and I don't want her bashing around with things when she comes back and I'm trying to sleep."

"Right."

Granny watched as Emma made the bed, adjusted her glasses, grabbed her clothes that were strewn all over the floor and shoved them in her closet, tried in vain to jam the wonky door on the ancient nightstand…

"Don't you have something better to do?" Emma said, not looking up from her task.

Granny smiled. "I suppose so. If you like, tomorrow I'll find you a screwdriver and you can have a go at fixing that properly."

Emma stood up as if she had only just realised what she was doing.

"Nah. Not really my problem, I was just…"

"Of course," Granny said. "Goodnight, Emma."

"Night, Gran. But I still hate you for making me share."

Granny chuckled. "I know. Sweet dreams."

* * *

Emma made sure she was curled up in bed "asleep" before Regina came in. Regina changed quickly into her grey silk pyjamas, noticing the dark purple sheets on her bed and feeling minutely less like she was in prison. She pulled on her robe (which was also purple) and went downstairs. Granny had put a large piece of cardboard over the window. She and Ruby were in the kitchen, leaning against the counter. They both smiled at her when she appeared. Ruby handed her a cup of cocoa.

"Thank you," Regina said formally. Ruby grinned.

"You spoke!"

Granny smiled. "Quality, not quantity. When she does speak, she speaks like a Queen."

It could have been said as an insult, but Granny was entirely complimentary.

"In the first month Ruby was here, she ran away what was it? Seven times? She started making friends with the Sheriff."

"Once I got as far as Augusta," Ruby said proudly.

"Don't look so pleased with yourself. I almost had a heart attack."

Ruby neutralised her expression, then looked at Regina. "The thing is, kid, you can get away if you want. I know you'll find a way. But for now, at least, here might be the best place for you."

Regina sipped her cocoa. She had never been much of a fan but the rain had chilled her to her bones and she was glad of its warmth. She listened to Ruby and Granny talk for a few more minutes, then without a word, set down her 3/4 full cup and disappeared upstairs. Granny watched her go.

"The horrors in that child's head…" she breathed. Ruby frowned. Granny related what had happened in the living room.

"It's weird that she and Emma are here together," Ruby said in the end.

"Emma seems… This might help her," Granny mused.

"Don't get your hopes up. I mean, It'd be awesome if they made friend. But I sense a few battles in their future."

Granny sighed. "Oh, I know. Both incredibly strong. Both incredibly hurt. Recipe for disaster."

* * *

Regina pulled the comforter further over her head to block out the noise from all over the house, including from her roommate, who wasn't even trying to be quiet. The closet door slammed and Regina snapped.

"I am trying to sleep," she declared angrily, sitting up and glaring at Emma.

"Don't see why, Princess. The school bus'll be here in ten minutes."

Regina simply rolled her eyes at the ridiculous idea that she would be going to school again. Emma grinned wickedly. She could hear Granny coming upstairs.

"Regina?" Granny asked. Regina had just lain back down. She didn't move. "Regina, you need to start getting ready for school."

Silence.

"This isn't a choice, Regina. It's the law that you go. I called yesterday, they are expecting you. If you don't, it won't sit well with me or with your social worker."

_So what? _Regina answered mentally. She had never been disobedient, but she had never been anywhere like this, with people like this, people who were clearly beneath her, clearly pushovers. A small voice at the back of her mind whispered that she didn't really think like that, but she soon silenced it. She was tired, she was confused, she deserved a day off. It was practically the Christmas break! This had to be the last day of term, it was Friday… Granny left; Emma finished getting ready; Regina stayed in bed.

"I'll see you at school," Emma said, a clear challenge. She bounded downstairs and got on the bus with Tink. Regina heard it pull away and relaxed into her pillow. A cough in the doorway told her Granny was back. To Regina's surprise, Granny pulled out the chair from Emma's desk and sat by the bed.

"Look, Regina, I know you don't want to go, but today I am going to try and do a big favour to you - I've already emailed Blue about contacting the stables and her director to find out where we stand with your horse. Don't get me wrong, if you stay in bed, I'll still work on it for you. But I would really appreciate it if you'd get up and go to school. Ruby can give you a lift in fifteen minutes."

Regina sat up, shocked at the kindness. She had been expecting to be yelled at. She had been _trying _to get yelled at. Granny seemed to read her mind.

"You don't make me mad, Regina. I'm here to help you. School?"

Regina nodded, getting out of bed.

"Thank you. You're very brave, Regina," Granny said genuinely. She left the room; Regina dressed quickly and went to brush her teeth. She went downstairs carrying her satchel, though she hadn't really known what to put in it. Ruby handed her a thermos full of coffee.

"You can drink in when you get there."

Regina almost smiled. Almost. Granny nodded at them approvingly.

"You won't even be late if you leave now," she said. Regina followed Ruby out of the house.

"It's a good school, I promise. The nicest girls' bathroom is on the left side of the cafeteria. You'll be in Miss Blanchard's class, which is kind of awesome because you get registration, study hall, and Health classes in her room, as well as art of course - she's the art teacher. She's also a sweetheart. Right now though, you should go to the office. They'll set you up with an ID. It's the last day so they'll probably just give you the subject form to pick classes for after the Holidays. Today they'll assign you someone to tag along with. I won't be surprised if it's Emma."

Regina took in all this information, though she made no sign of it. Ruby pulled up at the school.

"Break a leg, kid," she said sympathetically. She had changed school enough times to know it was awful no matter how nice the new school was supposed to be.

Regina strode into the building like she owned it, shooting daggers at anyone who dared to look at her. She marched into the office. The time for seeming shy was past.

"Regina Mills. You should be expecting me," she said shortly.

The plump receptionist adjusted her horn rimmed spectacles and looked at her computer as if it was an alien.

"Ah, yes… Come on back, we have to take a picture for your ID."

Regina followed the woman into another room and stood in front of a screen, facing a camera. She felt like she was on a TV show or something and had just been arrested. She was glad she'd fixed her face before leaving.

"You can smile," the woman said, but Regina kept her expression stony. The woman sighed and snapped the camera.

"Lovely," she said insincerely. She clicked on the computer a few times, asking Regina to check all the information was correct. It was. The card was printed; the woman gave Regina a lanyard with a holder for it. Regina looked at it with disdain, but put it on. As she was doing this, none other than Emma Swan barged into the room.

"Hey, Miss Horowitz," she said cheerfully. "Principal Jackson said I should come down here to find the princess and escort her royal butt to class."

Regina imagined turning Emma into a toad. Miss Horowitz laughed uneasily.

Regina studied the girl with her lithe, gorgeous figure, her swinging blonde ponytail, her adorable glasses..

"When you're done ogling…" Emma said impatiently. Then she put on a sarcastic smile and jumped in front of Regina to open the door for her.

"After you, princess," she said, obviously pleased with herself. "I see you did wonderfully, standing up to Granny this morning."

"I simply realised attending school today would be in everybody's best interest," Regina said smoothly.

"Yeah," Emma replied, "Except mine! I'm stuck with you _all day_."

"Do not worry about me," Regina said. "Simply show me where the classes are; the rest I will manage perfectly well alone."

"Okay, if you say so!" Emma said, thoroughly relieved.

It was because of this that Regina ended up sitting alone in a corner of the cafeteria, watching as the other students laughed and joked over their badly cooked mashed potatoes and school-kitchen version of Christmas ham. There had been _nothing _green. Regina picked at her meal. A few tables over, Emma was having a raucous conversation with Tink and some other, older friends. They were the kind of people Regina wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. And they were all laughing at her. They kept not-so-surreptitiously glancing at her.

* * *

Emma Swan took a sideways glance across the cafeteria at the brunette who clearly hated the food. She faked some more laughter. Boy did she hate these guys. But it beat sitting alone. If you wanted to get along in this place you had to be friends with someone. Tink wasn't so bad… She had a friend though, Killian, and Emma did not like the way he looked at her. Not one bit.

"That new girl living with us," Tink said suddenly. "She's _such _a weirdo. She doesn't even speak."

"Yeah she does," Emma found herself saying. _Why was she defending her?_

"Oh, what, did you guys end up having a heart to heart in your room last night?" Tink teased. Emma threw a bread roll at her.

"No," she said, annoyed. "She speaks, that's all. She's not that weird."

"Come on, Em, look at her! She's pretty darn weird. I mean, her clothes… I wonder what happened. She probably did something so awful her family didn't want her any more. I mean, everyone knows Granny takes the crazy cases. And what else… I mean she obviously had a perfect life before. How she speaks, how she dresses. She looks down her nose at us. And her eyes… She's clearly a sociopath. Psycho bitch."

Emma took a deep breath. "Yeah," she replied. Killian was cackling. Their other friends, Robyn, David, and Peter, were mostly laughing too. Emma thought about the group. Robyn was okay… She was beautiful, with long red hair and an eclectic sense of style. She was the only one _not _laughing. David was a senior, already 18, and madly in love with Miss Blanchard. This made him very defensive, and always keen to turn the spotlight onto someone else. Peter was pure evil, and kind of dating Tink. Robyn got up suddenly.

"You guys can be so boring sometimes," she said, flipping her hair and leaving the table. To Emma's horror, she watched her friend go over to Regina's table. Her stomach churned, and it wasn't the ham. She gave herself a shake. No. This was not jealousy. It couldn't be.

* * *

Regina looked up from her food, startled. The tall redhead in front of her held out a hand, complete with neon blue fingernails that kind of matched her eyes.

"Hi, I'm Robyn," she said. "I don't think you're a psycho."

Regina shook the hand. "Regina," she said. "I am not a psycho."

"May I sit?" Robyn asked. Regina shrugged; Robyn took this as a yes.

"Emma's faking," Robyn said. Regina was confused.

"Laughing with them. At you. She's faking. And none of them really mean it… They just don't have much to talk about…"

"I do not care what they say," Regina said. Robyn smiled.

"'Course you don't."

Regina sighed. "If this is your good deed for the day, consider it completed. I don't need your pity."

Robyn stood and made to leave, but turned back at the last moment.

"It wasn't pity, Regina. I just wanted to talk to you. Not everyone is out to get you, you know?"

Regina considered the statement as she watched Robyn walk away. She tried to believe it.

The day crept forward; Regina made it all the way to the bus without incident. She'd known it was too good to be true.

"Yet another stinky Foster. And you know she must be stinky because _nobody _wants her." The genius wit was accompanied by a thrown wad of chewing gum which embedded itself in Regina's hair. She turned slowly. Her opponent was a piggy boy Regina had seen in her Chem class earlier in the day. She stood up in the moving bus, preparing to face the little shit, but a blonde mess jumped up, getting in the way.

"I can fight my own battles," Regina said angrily, shoving Emma aside. She miscalculated the force of the push, though, and combined with a swerve of the bus, Emma was sent flying, smacking face first into a pole. She turned, furious, blood streaming from her nose, her glasses in two neat pieces. She seemed more bothered by the glasses than her nose.

"These were _new_," she said. Piggy was LAUGHING. Regina stepped over Emma, who was now sitting in the aisle, and punched him hard on the nose, hard enough that he and Emma now matched. Then she yanked out the gum. A clump of hair came with it. She threw it at him. At this point, the driver finally noticed what was going on and the bus screeched to a halt.

"You two, out!" he commanded. Regina wasted no time in getting out of the bus. Emma followed. Piggy had somehow managed to avoid being noticed.

Emma and Regina walked in silence. Regina refused to apologise. Emma shouldn't have gotten in the way. Emma was mostly thinking about her glasses. Granny was going to kill her. She pinched her nose and held her head back, but the bleeding continued. Regina rolled her eyes and took a pack of tissues from her bag. She shoved them into Emma's hand, then sighed exasperatedly.

"Okay, I'm sorry!" she said. "But you shouldn't have gotten in my way. I can protect myself."

"I can see that," Emma said, sounding strange on account of the tissues she had stuffed up her nose.

"Does it hurt?" Regina asked.

"You should see the other guy. Well, pole."

Regina stifled a laugh. "Will the driver tell-"

"Oh, yeah. Granny will know before we get home. And she will not be pleased. On the plus side, I think he just thought _we _were fighting."

"Won't Piggy tell?"

"Hah, Piggy. I like that. He won't tell."

"I… I should not have hit him."

"Calm down, Princess. It was just a punch."

"Yes, but… Never mind," Regina said. Inside, her whole mind was in a screaming panic. She had hit him. She had hit him in the face. She had given two people bloody noses in the space of five minutes. She wasn't just _like _her mother. She was _worse _than her mother.

"You okay?" Emma asked, noticing Regina's anxious expression.

"Fine," Regina said briskly. She marched on; soon they were outside the diner. Granny was at the back door, hands on her hips.

"I am appalled that I had to leave work to deal with you two." She held up her hand to stop them from speaking. "I don't care who started it. You are both grounded, and when you come inside this house you are both going to your room and you _will _sort out your differences. Regina, Miss Blue will be here in an hour. You will be pleased to know we have arranged for Rocinante to be transported to the stables this weekend. You will be less pleased to know that I have decided that because of this incident, you will not be going there. If I can't trust you on a school bus, I certainly can't trust you at the stables."

Regina opened her mouth to let out a stream of abuse, but remembered at the last minute that she should probably be grateful. Granny seemed to appreciate her silence.

"Emma, since Miss Blue is your social worker too, I think you should come to the beginning of the meeting. Regina," she said, looking at Emma's bloody nose, "I am disappointed. I did not expect this from you."

Regina showed no emotion. Granny left to go back to work in the diner. Regina and Emma traipsed upstairs.

"You have a horse?" Emma asked.

"Yes. Why didn't you tell her you didn't do anything? You don't have to be in trouble."

Emma shrugged. "I'm always in trouble for something. Always fighting. It'll make you look less bad."

"You do not have to do that."

Emma flopped onto her bed. "I don't mind. What kind of a name is Rocinante?"

"It's from a book," Regina said shortly.

"What book?" Emma persisted.

"Don Quixote. It's Spanish."

"What's it about?"

"Do you ever stop asking questions?"

"We have an hour. What's it to you?"

Regina rolled her eyes.

"What's the book about?" Emma asked again.

"It's about a man who becomes obsessed with chivalry and decides to undo wrongs and bring justice to the world," Regina answered with a sigh. "I would let you read it but my copy is in the original Spanish. But if Storybrooke has a library I suppose you could get it there."

"Is there a movie version?"

Regina was about to say something cutting, but she realised Emma was joking. She refused to laugh, though. Regina leaned back on her bed.

"You really should read it. The main character is the root of a word, now."

"Huh?"

"Quixotic. After Don Quixote, which is what the man calls himself. It means idealistic, unrealistic, and impractical."

Emma laughed. "Sounds like me."

At this Regina smiled. Emma caught it out of the corner of her eye and turned around properly, staring.

"You're beautiful when you smile," she said. "I mean, you're beautiful all the time but when you smile you're…" she trailed off, unable to think of a better word than beautiful. She started thinking about Regina's scar. She tried not to, but it was deep, right on her mouth… If anything it made her more beautiful. But it also had a story. It had to. And Emma had a horrible feeling the story was not good.

"Thank you," Regina said, blushing. "If… You are helping me, and sharing my punishment when you do not have to. If you like, when I am allowed to see Rocinante, you could come. I don't suppose you ride?"

Emma raised her eyebrows.

"Sure. My foster parents didn't even bother to feed me but they totally paid for riding lessons."

Regina bit her lip. "I can teach you," she said. "I used to win competitions."

"Really?"

"Yes. For a while I wanted to be a national champion."

Emma grinned. "No, that I believe. I mean, you'd really teach me?"

Regina shrugged. "If I'm still here. I do not know much about this system, but from what I have read, staying in one place is by no means a guarantee. Especially if you have a temper like mine," she added, glancing at Emma's nose. Emma had grabbed an ice pack on the way upstairs and was holding it to her face. She laughed dryly.

"You read right. But don't worry yet. Granny likes you. I can tell."

"Bullshit."

"Careful, princess. Your regular human is showing!"

Regina rubbed her bruised knuckles. So worth it, though.

"Granny can be tough, but this is the best place I've been in. And I've been in a lot of places. And she doesn't give up on people."

Regina nodded. She'd believe it when she saw it.

"I… Is this your first foster home?"

Regina looked at Emma, then nodded.

"Why… What happened?" Emma asked.

Regina shrugged and said nothing. Emma sighed. She had a feeling Regina's past was a mystery it would take a long time to solve. Unless… Well. There was always a file.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it, please review! If you want to know more about quixotes, there's a great wikipedia article. The whole thing really makes me think of Emma on the show (and in a way, young Regina too), and that is where the name of the horse is from.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This chapter is rough (same TWs as last time), but necessary. Things will get better soon though, I promise.

* * *

There was a knock on the door. Emma pulled the tissues out of her nose, pleased to find that it had stopped bleeding. She went over and opened the door with a flourish. Granny, behind it, frowned.

"This is not the time for joking around, Emma."

Emma groaned. "Why does everything have to be so serious?"

Granny shook her head, not dignifying the question with an answer. "Come on, the pair of you. Downstairs."

Blue was sitting in the living room, wishing herself anywhere else. She wanted the best for these two girls, she really did, but she could not understand either of them. They had a chance here, real opportunities, and they were wasting their time fighting? She sighed.

Emma and Regina sat side by side on the couch they were directed to. Granny and Blue sat opposite.

"Why don't we start with you telling us what happened on the bus today?" Blue suggested.

Emma shrugged. Regina looked at her knees.

"Emma, how did you end up with a bloody nose?"

"I don't s'pose you'd believe me if I said I fell into a pole?" Emma asked. "Because I swear, that's what happened. I'm not gonna deny Regina and I had a bit of a stand off. But we mostly dodged each other, then the bus went round a corner and I fell, into the pole, and Regina punched the side of a seat."

"Regina, is that what happened?"

Regina had been surprised to hear the story, she'd thought they weren't going to say anything. But without looking at Emma for reassurance (she knew that would look guilty) she raised her head slightly, and nodded.

Granny sighed, leaning back against her seat.

"You will both be banned from the bus for a month. That's out of my hands. But… I'm going to give you both the benefit of the doubt. You're still grounded, but only until Christmas Eve. Since it's the 19th today, you're getting off pretty lightly."

Emma grinned. "Thanks, Granny. You're awesome."

Granny chuckled. "I know. You can go now, unless you want to say anything else to us?"

"Nah, you're all good," she said, practically skipping out of the room.

"Right. Regina," Granny said. "I get that this is… Hard. But no more fighting, or there will be consequences, real ones, beyond my control. Okay?"

Regina nodded.

"How was your first day of school?" Granny asked.

Regina shrugged. She guessed it could have been worse. Meeting Robyn had been surprisingly nice. She hadn't really had friends at her old school, not for years. Blue chose this moment to join in.

"Well, Regina, while I'm shocked at your behaviour earlier today, I can let you know about a few good things. Your horse will arrive at Storybrooke Stables tomorrow. Assuming you keep yourself out of trouble, you can visit on Christmas Eve. Granny or Ruby will have to go with you until you turn sixteen - which is something I want to touch on. This is a group home, but everyone here is long term. Right now, I still need to confirm that with you and Granny, so I'll be back on January 2nd to discuss it further. Also, once you're sixteen especially, it's really good for your high school career if you stay in one place, so that's something to bear in mind too. At this point, we need to go through a lot of rules with you, and I also have some paperwork for you - it's mostly for you to take away. It explains the foster system, how it works, what your rights are, how to get in touch with me or my superiors. The state of Maine is your legal guardian and will most likely be so until you're 18, so it's good to know how everything works. Do you have any questions before we start?"

Regina shook her head. Blue went on to talk through rule after rule, Granny interjecting from time to time with more friendly comments. Blue got on to a touchy topic.

"Regina, you refused a full physical examination by doctors when you were taken to the hospital and they fixed up your lip. We really need to do one. We won't, without your consent, but it's important for your file, so we can help you more. I'm also going to recommend counselling, starting immediately, but again, we can't force you to go."

Granny saw the horror on Regina's face. "They need information for your mother's case. I know this is a hard topic for you, but you have to decide if you want to help the prosecution."

"How will they get evidence?" Regina asked in a small voice. Granny resisted the impulse to take her hand.

"There's a police officer and a doctor here. They're actually in the diner. The cop's just there to be a third party, to make sure no one's faking anything. It sucks, but she seems nice. She'll just keep out of the way. The doctor has been chosen by the court, she's nice, pretty young. She'll check you over. Maybe her report will be enough, but she might also take some pictures. She has to ask you about whatever she does, so if it's not okay, you can say so at any time. It's up to you if anyone else is in there - Miss Blue or I can go with you, or not, it's up to you. You don't have to go to the hospital or anything, just the office."

Blue nodded. "The pictures and report will be strictly confidential. No one will see them but the doctor, the two lawyers, the judge, and the jury. None of them will be recognisable as you; your name is not even being used in the trial, and your mother is being tried under a fake name, too."

Regina closed her eyes, thinking. Blue opened her mouth to speak but Granny silenced her with an hand on her arm. After almost ten minutes, Regina nodded.

"I will do it," she said, her formal tone back with vengeance.

Blue nodded, then left to get the doctor. Granny showed her to the office and handed her a hospital gown.

"Put this on," she said. "Do you want-"

"No," Regina said. She did not want company.

"Gotcha. I'll be within yelling distance."

Regina stood alone in the office. It was like a school building, totally different from the old style furnishings everywhere else in the house. There was a set of scales and a thing to measure height, and a couch that was more like a bed. Regina stayed in the center of the room. She had folded her clothes and set them in a heap in the corner. She'd kept her underwear on. There was a knock on the door, then a two young women came in. One was dressed in a cop's uniform. She introduced herself as Officer Teresa Ortiz, shook Regina's hand, then went and leaned against a wall in the corner. Regina wondered if they'd picked Latina women because she was Latina. The doctor just introduced herself as Eva.

Regina moved around like a zombie, stepping on the scale, stepping under the height chart's needle. Everything was recorded. She was small - would they use that? Maybe they'd say her growth was stunted. Her mind raced around in circles. Eva asked her to open her mouth.

"Did you have braces?" she asked. Regina nodded. Now she wondered if they'd use that in her mother's favour. She winced; Eva had nudged her mouth open a little wider and it had pulled at the cut on her lip.

"Shoot, that's deeper than I thought," Eva said, examining it more closely. "Is it okay if I take a picture?"

Regina nodded. Eva snapped her camera. Regina realised what was going to happen next.

"Can you lie down on your stomach?" Eva asked. Regina did so; Eva covered her legs with a blanket, then opened the gown. She tried to contain her gasp, but Regina heard it loud and clear.

"Can I take another picture?"

Regina had to speak this time. She said yes.

"_Do you know how disobedience was punished when I was a child?"_

_Regina, 13 years old, knew this was her cue to fetch the belt, kept in a desk drawer in her mother's office. She did so, holding her head high as she carried it back to her mother, already halfway through that evening's bottle of vodka. She took off her shirt with _defiance_. She was stronger than anyone gave her credit for. She would prove it. _

Eva found scars all over Regina's body, but the worst were all in areas that would be covered by a modest bathing suit: back, backside, stomach, chest- she winced at the burn marks on Regina's breasts. Cigarettes. There were burns on the back of her neck too, just at her hairline, always hidden.

There were scars on Regina's thighs that were different.

"You don't have to tell me, Regina… But did you make these ones?" Eva asked. Regina nodded.

"There's one more thing."

Regina knew what that was too. She shuddered. Eva gave her an encouraging look.

"You don't have to say yes. How about I just ask you some questions and we go from there?"

Regina nodded.

"Okay, so. Did you already start to get your period?"

"When I was thirteen," Regina said.

"Ever any problems with the lady stuff?"

Regina rolled her eyes at the name for it, then shook her head.

"Have you ever been sexually active?"

There was a pause. "I'm fifteen," Regina said eventually. Eva nodded.

"I know. Remember, this is all confidential. It can't get you in trouble."

Slowly, Regina nodded her head.

Eva pursed her lips for a second. "Now, in the state of Maine, you're not legally considered able to give consent until you're sixteen. But to be clear in the report, in _your _opinion, was this sexual activity consensual?"

Regina stayed still as a statue. Eva waited. Regina shook her head. Out of the corner of her eye, Eva saw Teresa tense up with rage. Then, she walked over to the couch where they were sitting and knelt in front of Regina. Regina took a deep breath, then spoke without even being asked.

"Leo - Leopold White. 721-07-1426."

Teresa wrote these down in her notebook, then nodded at Regina.

"Can you tell me anything else? Someone will probably have to come interview you. Not in court, they'll do it here. If you like, I'll come back, too."

Regina nodded. "He is a friend of my mother's."

"When?"

Regina liked Teresa. She got to the point.

"Just once. September. There won't be anything left on me, I know, but I kept the dress I was wearing. It's upstairs."

Teresa patted her on the shoulder, worried for a second that Regina would flinch at the contact, but Regina didn't react.

"I think I have everything I need," Eva said. "I should talk to Miss Blue and Mrs Lucas. May I tell them what you just told us?"

Regina realised they would have to know. She blushed with shame, but nodded. Eva caught her eyes and looked right into them.

"None of this was your fault, Regina. _None _of it. You have nothing to be ashamed of, and nothing to feel guilty about."

She took Regina's hand for a second and have it a squeeze. Regina closed her eyes, wondering what life would have been like if her mother had been someone like Eva. When she opened them, Eva had left the room.

"I'll be right outside while you get dressed," Teresa said. "Then we can go look upstairs."

Regina waited until she was alone. Then she gave herself ten seconds, ten seconds to break down, to shake, to screw up her face in pain, to silently scream. When her ten seconds were up, she slipped back into her full body mask, and then into her clothes.

She found Teresa; they went upstairs and she handed the officer a plastic shopping bag. Teresa put on one of her leather gloves, then took the bag.

Emma watched these actions play out in front of her, sitting silently in bed. What the hell..?

* * *

Emma had had enough of pretending to be asleep.

"Regina?"

"What?" her roommate asked, grudgingly but immediately.

"Why did you give a cop a bag from your suitcase?"

Silence.

"Sorry, I don't mean to be nosey. I'm just… You can talk to me, if you want. I can be nice. Sometimes."

More silence.

"Did you have to do a photoshoot. I did one once. I had this foster father… It was ages ago but I remember the doctor got really pissed because I kept screwing around posing for the camera. That was my last home before here."

A pause. "Yes. But I did not pose."

It almost sounded like a joke, like she was pretending to be sad she hadn't flaunted herself for the camera.

"My underwear did not even match."

Emma laughed out loud. THAT was a joke. Regina smiled, surprised at herself. With Emma, it seemed that no joke was off limits.

"What about Rocinante?" Emma asked, sensing a change of subject might be wise.

"I can see him on Wednesday."

"Hey, that's great! I'm happy for you."

Regina smiled again. "What are your hobbies?" she asked suddenly.

"I like running, I guess," Emma said after a while. "But I never stuck in one place long enough to get lessons in anything."

"It's not too late. Is there anything you'd like to learn?"

"I dunno… Oh, but I play guitar! I don't have one here, but in one of my homes there was one and I taught myself a lot of stuff. I sneak into the music department at school and play sometimes, but that's a secret."

Regina grinned. "Got it."

"I want to learn to ride, for real," Emma said.

Regina nodded to herself. "And I fully intend to teach you. I'm not sure how Roci'll like you, though."

Emma rolled her eyes. "You're just scared he'll like me more than he likes you."

* * *

A/N: Much shorter this time, but the break fits here. Please review!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I wrote this chapter listening to Filtr UK's Christmas Hits playlist on Spotify. It adds something... But it may ruin Christmas music for you for a while. I don't know. I've always found it a little sad. TWs still in play. Maybe I should make the rating M for that, but I think that would send the wrong message, combined with the pairing - let me know if you have thoughts about this. A reviewer asked if there's going to be anything with Regina/Robyn first - Emma's going to ask herself that question, too! I'm sorry it's so hardgoing, but I actually think it's really important to show this part of what happened to Regina. Obviously, this isn't the same as the show, but Regina was HURT, so much, and even in other fics I've read, people just brush over it. Also, another promise - I believe in happy endings. Passionately. We'll get there...

* * *

**SATURDAY DECEMBER 20TH 2014, 04:00**

Regina's eyes snapped open. She shoved her fist in her mouth before she could scream. She was alone. She was alone. She looked around the unfamiliar room. She was in Granny's house, Mrs Lucas's. She was in the bedroom that she shared with Emma, Emma Swan. Elsewhere in the house were Ruby Lucas and Tina Bell… Regina got out of bed. When she was lying down, she was just asking for it. She went downstairs. Somewhere she could put a light on. The kitchen. She flicked the switch, slowing her breathing with a simple counting exercise she'd found online. In for four seconds. Pause. Out for four seconds. Pause. She braced herself against the counter. 1… 2… 3… 4… She wondered where her mother was. A prison cell? Back at the house? Probably the house. She would have made bail, for sure. Did she know where Regina was? Would she find out? Would she care enough to find out?

What would she do if she found out? Regina heard a car outside and threw herself into a corner, curling up in a ball, waiting for the door to burst open, waiting for her mother to come in, drag her out by the hair, throw her in the backseat with the child locked doors, take her back-

"REGINA!" Emma yelled, loud enough to wake the whole house.

Regina's eyes snapped up.

"I called your name like seven times already!" Emma said. She sounded scared.

Regina struggled to her feet. Emma stayed a few feet away. Regina was a cornered animal, cowering, but preparing to fight to the death. Emma's nose throbbed, reminding her that getting in Regina's way was a bad idea. But she hadn't been able to help going downstairs when Regina didn't come back to bed after a few minutes.

Regina fetched herself a glass of water. Emma continued to watch.

"What happened?" Emma asked.

"I simply had a bad dream," Regina said, hating the way her voice faltered, shaking in her throat. She sipped her water, just about managing not to choke on it.

"That was not just a bad dream," Emma mumbled, but for some reason she couldn't fully confront Regina about underplaying what had happened. Regina ignored the mumbling. Emma hopped up onto the counter, reaching into a cupboard behind her for the cookie tin. She helped herself to three double chocolates, then held the tin out to Regina.

"How are you not obese?" she asked Emma. Emma grinned.

"I shit a lot. How about you?"

Regina laughed; it was as if her fear bubbled up and released itself by accident at Emma's stupid comment. She took a cookie.

"I'm not having three."

Emma munched on her food. "It's almost Christmas," she commented.

"Is that supposed to mean something?" Regina asked, still standing, facing Emma.

"Most people'd find it exciting."

"I am not most people."

"So you don't like Christmas?"

**FRIDAY DECEMBER 20TH 2013, 19:00**

Regina hung the last of the crystal glass decorations on the huge tree in the hallway. When her mother had told her in the morning that she would be allowed to decorate it this year instead of the butler, she had almost squealed with happiness. She was never trusted with tasks like this. Cleaning, yes. Polishing, absolutely. But something so beautiful, so artistic, something everybody would see… Cora didn't like the tree to be up weeks before. It went up on the 20th, that was appropriate, reserved. Regina had expected this year to be the same as any other, but at the breakfast table, Cora had ordered the change. Regina had almost hugged her!

She had started as soon as she returned from school, twirling around with silver tinsel. Everything was so shiny… Regina had her iPod blaring Spotify's top Christmas hits into her ears, tinsel in her hair, a bow around her wrist like a bracelet, baubles dangling from her ears. Cora wouldn't be back for hours, she had a late meeting. Regina was free, free to enjoy herself, to make something beautiful.

She looked around at the boxes, the tinsel strands, the pine needles, the glitter… Such a beautiful, beautiful mess. She grinned and flipped her music back to Mariah Carey, looking in the hall mirror, grabbing a walking stick from the stand to use as a microphone. She danced a pretty little dance in front of the mirror, then sang the soulful introduction, picturing Daniel, the hottie who worked at the stables. Last week he had spoken to her. Actually spoken to her! She'd been running to get to Rocinante and had almost charged right into him - he'd said, "Watch it, kiddo." But in such a friendly way!

Regina tapped her feet on the white marble floor as the tempo picked up, then began to dance wildly, shaking her hair free from its braid and singing her heart out. She grabbed a handful of glitter and threw it into the air, letting it rain down on her like magical snow. She smiled up at the chandelier of their mansion. Maybe this Christmas could really be happy, like in all the songs, all the stories, children's laughter _really _filling the air. Maybe things were getting better.

Her headphones and singing meant she didn't hear the door open. She didn't hear her mother coming in, stumbling in the doorway, having past 'drunk' several hours ago. She didn't hear her mother saying her name icily, or saying her name loudly, or even shouting her name. She didn't hear her mother march up behind her. She didn't _see _her mother, even in the mirror, because she had closed her eyes, swaying to the music. She didn't feel her mother's liquor tainted breath, she didn't smell her pungent perfume, she didn't have any idea her mother was there until Cora Mills grabbed her by the shoulders, her red-talon nails almost piercing the skin.

Regina's eyes snapped open. She was still facing the mirror. It meant everything happened wrong somehow, not quite right, not quite real. Cora grabbed the walking stick. Regina was frozen to the spot. She didn't even turn the music off. If she had been able to hear she would have heard Cora yell "This is an antique!" and then "What the hell are you doing?". It didn't really matter. She didn't need to hear to know what was going to happen next. She refused to turn around.

Regina faced the girl in the mirror, the girl just like her, exactly like her, but opposite. She forced herself to keep her eyes open, keep staring. The Regina in the mirror had glitter in her hair and was listening to Shakin' Stevens.

_Snow is falling_

_All around me_

The Regina in the mirror grabbed the stick as Cora raised it. The Regina in the mirror grabbed the stick and pulled it back.

_It's the season _

_Of love and understanding_

The Regina in the mirror did not cry out in pain, the antique walking stick did not hit her back or her arms or her knees. The Regina in the mirror fought back.

_Room is swaying, _

_Records playing_

The Regina in the mirror had no need to shield her head from the blows that continued to rain down. The Regina in the mirror had taken the stick. The Regina in the mirror was not swaying. The Regina in the mirror did not cry. When the stick finally clattered to the ground and she was alone, the Regina in the mirror really was having the most wonderful time of the year.

Regina stood up. She hurt, a lot, but nothing was broken. Cora was gone, presumably to get another drink. Regina looked at the walking stick, then leaned down and picked it up. The Regina in the mirror raised the stick and swung it into the tree, the tree that had become poisonous and ugly, the tree that had watched her suffer without doing anything. Christmas was supposed to be magical. If Christmas was good, it wouldn't let this kind of thing happen. Regina put the stick down. The Regina in the mirror was no more real than the magic of Christmas. She started to clean up the mess. The music in her ears almost made her sick.

**SATURDAY DECEMBER 20TH 2014, 05:00**

"No, I don't like Christmas," Regina replied shortly.

"But the fooooood," Emma said passionately. Regina forced herself to roll her eyes.

"Do you ever think with anything other than your stomach?"

"Sometimes I think with my pussy," Emma said brazenly. Regina blushed bright red. Emma laughed.

"I'm _kidding_," she said. "I'm a nun, just like you."

Regina considered correcting her. In the end she said nothing, but Emma didn't miss much.

"You're not?" she asked, her eyes widening.

Regina stayed silent. Emma suddenly realised that she knew nothing about Regina, nothing about why she was here.

"Shit," she breathed.

"Fuck you," Regina said angrily.

"What?"

"You heard me. Fuck you, and fuck your pity. I don't need either."

"Regina, I-"

"Emma, you know _nothing_. Nothing. You think you understand because bad things happened to you, too. But you have no idea what happened to me, and I hope to God you never do. Because no one should have that in their head."

"It wasn't pity," Emma said, staring at the floor, not sure if what she said was true.

"Sure," Regina said sarcastically. She put her glass in the sink and went back upstairs.

Emma watched her leave, then tiptoed to Granny's office. She pulled a couple of bobby pins out of her pocket and made short work of the lock on the door, then went to the filing cabinet. She picked that lock too, then opened the drawer. She was always doing this to look at her own file. She'd looked at Ruby's and Tina's too. She was a curious soul. She pulled out Regina's, then went to the window so she could see it in the moonlight.

She held it for several minutes, knowing it held all the answers to the beautiful, mysterious, broken person that she couldn't help caring about. Her fingers hovered over the cover, twitching with anticipation. She took a deep breath, then thought back to Regina's face in the kitchen, to her shaking, barely conscious body… She was so hurt, so betrayed, she _expected _it. She pushed Emma away, but sometimes she forgot and she was so kind, so sweet. She was so much _more _than her pain. But even she didn't know that.

Emma looked down at the plain brown cover of the file, then, without lifting it, shoved the file back into the cabinet, locked it, left the office, locked that too, and ran upstairs, diving into bed and telling herself it didn't mean anything. _Fuck you too, Regina Fucking Mills_. Since when was Emma such a coward? Since when did she care what other people would think? And the thing was, they wouldn't even have thought anything because they would never have known. Emma desperately wanted to know what had happened to Regina, how to help her! But not once did she consider going back for the file. Because seeing the girl in the kitchen had changed something in Emma. Not the cowering, not the shaking… But the way she had gotten UP. She had seen Emma, and she had risen to her feet. Emma didn't pity her. She respected her. Because Regina Mills had to be the strongest girl she'd ever met. Emma didn't need to know what the pain was, what the terror was, to see Regina's strength, her bravery.

"If you want to talk, you can," Emma said softly. "You're right, I don't understand. But I don't pity you. I almost envy you - not what happened to you, but your strength, your confidence… I think you're a badass." Emma paused after this confession, waiting for an answer.

Regina focused on keeping her breathing gentle, determined to remain "asleep".

"Okay, so you're asleep. That's cool. If you were awake you'd probably just say something mean. But while we're here… Regina, you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen. You're a total bitch. And for some inexplicable reason, I really like you. You're the opposite of me, you don't talk, you're not annoying, you're never clumsy, you never scream and get mad… I'm pretty sure you hate me. And I should hate you too, it's like you want me to. But then you forget you want me to and you tell me about your horse and hell, Regina, I'd love to be your friend. You need a friend. Doesn't make you weak. Just human…" Emma's voice trailed off into the darkness.

"What if I'm not human any more?" Regina whispered. She heard a gasp from the other bed. Then she heard it creak as its occupant got up, walked across the room, and got into her bed.

"Go away," she said weakly. Emma wrapped her arms around Regina and her comforter. She'd thought getting under the comforter would be too much.

"You don't _feel _like an alien," Emma said. Regina almost laughed.

"How do you do that?" she asked, genuine for once. Emma relaxed her vice like grip a little.

"Do what?"

"Make me want to laugh."

"You mean it works?" Emma grinned at the news.

"No," Regina lied. Emma got up and started going back to her own bed.

"I do it by being so idiotic that people have no other option but to be amused. Mostly I do it when I don't know what to say, to be honest."

There was a pause. "I guess… I wouldn't entirely despise being friends with you," Regina said. Emma tried not to squeal into her pillow. Why did it even matter so damn much? Regina was just a girl, just another foster kid, another person passing briefly through her life… Emma couldn't explain it. But Regina _mattered. _

"Goodnight, Regina," Emma whispered. Regina's answer was barely audible. But it was there. Emma knew it was. And it almost made her get out of bed and hug Regina again, all night this time.

"Thank you, Emma."

* * *

A/N: Please keep reviewing/sharing/reading! Love to you all x


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: A lighter chapter this time, and the promise of even more lightness in the next one - it's nearly Christmas… (she says, in March).

* * *

Emma and Regina traipsed down to breakfast with matching miserable expressions that were hilarious to everyone else in the dining room. Ruby flipped a pancake onto each of their plates.

"We eat together every morning we don't have school," Emma told Regina. Regina raised her eyebrows.

"Granny's in the diner already," Ruby told them, "But her legacy lives on."

Tina took a huge bite of food.

"Hey, Em, you still coming to the mall later?"

Emma looked at Ruby, her puppy eyes beginning the wheedling for her. "I know I'm grounded but I need to do my Christmas shopping-"

"I will _ask_. Regina, you want me to ask for you too?"

Regina was surprised. She was sure she was not invited. She looked at Tina, who ignored her, and Emma, who shrugged, leaving it up to her. She thought of the alternative - another day in the house with nothing to do but think - and nodded to Ruby. Ruby grinned.

"I think she'll let you go. Just remember to get me presents."

They continued their meal in a comfortable, friendly way. Regina did not speak, but she listened, and sometimes the corner of her mouth twitched with amusement. She helped Ruby clear the table, staying with her in the kitchen until every dish was dried and put away. It was habit, mostly.

"Oh, hey," Ruby said. "Don't tell the others, and don't get excited - Granny'll kill me if I give you more than 10 bucks, but here - so you can buy something."

Regina accepted the note, staring it with a vast quantity of feelings. She wasn't sure she'd ever bought anything for $10 or under, but she was still overwhelmed by the generosity, the kindness, shown to her in this house. Why were they so nice to her?

"But, I broke the window," Regina said. Ruby chuckled.

"We've all broken far more. And everyone agrees you weren't the only one to blame for the window."

"I… Should I get people presents?"

Ruby smiled. "No one's expecting to you. You just arrived, you don't know us, and you haven't had time to earn any money. Just go have some fun, don't worry about getting presents for people. Santa will deal with that."

Regina rolled her eyes at the mention of Santa, but nodded at Ruby's instruction. Ruby went through to the diner to ask - as she had expected, Granny said they could go.

Emma had no problem with stripping down in the middle of their shared bedroom. Tina was taking her sweet time in the bathroom. Regina perched awkwardly on her bed. She had chosen an outfit but she had always avoided changing in front of people, using the toilet cubicles for gym at school, avoiding public swimming pools…

"Come on, you're wasting all your time. Just get dressed. I won't look," Emma promised.

Regina looked at her clothes, then shook her head. Emma bent at the waist, shaking out her hair, then stood up, flipping her head back so the mass of blonde waves fanned out over her shoulders. It was gorgeous. Regina smiled.

"I like yours better," Emma told her. "It's… Sleeker."

Regina fiddled with her dark brown hair, straighter than Emma's, thick and orderly. No fun at all.

Tina finally left the bathroom; Emma nodded to Regina to go for it. Regina tried to hurry, but after her tights, skirt, and sweater, she still had to "put on her face". Cora detested make up on young girls, but Regina still had to cover the bruises. She winced as her lip stung when she touched it. It was still swollen and ugly. She closed her eyes. She hated looking in the mirror. She was ugly, so ugly…

She gave herself a shake and remembered Emma was still waiting; she went back to the bedroom and fixed her hair into two tight braids. When Emma returned, she had to resist the temptation to tug on them. They made Regina look a lot younger than she was - combined with the make up hiding most of the pain on her face… Emma shoved on her glasses and grabbed her sneakers. Regina zipped on her boots and put on a matching hat and scarf, then her jacket. Emma took an ugly red leather thing from her bedpost.

"They're here!" Tina yelled from downstairs. Emma was already halfway out of the room, charging down the stairs like a herd of elephants. Regina followed elegantly as the other two rolled their eyes. Ruby handed them their keys and they left to clamber into David's dad's minivan.

Regina stood awkwardly outside the vehicle, unsure where to sit. David was driving; Emma got in beside him. Tina got into the middle row, sandwiched happily between Peter and Killian. This left the far back seat, but it would be such a mess about to get in and no one else had thought of it and Regina almost gave up right there. She reminded herself who she was. She cleared her throat pointedly and Peter rolled his eyes but jumped out and tipped his seat forward so she could get in.

"Still one more stop," David said. If she strained her ears, Regina could just about hear half of what was said. She had thought Robyn wasn't coming, but maybe she was. She wouldn't let herself be hopeful, though. Hope only led to pain.

David pulled up outside a cabin-in-the-woods style house, right on the edge of town. Robin sauntered to the car; this time Killian jumped right out and opened the door for her gallantly. She rolled her eyes, then smiled at Regina.

"I didn't know you were coming," Robyn said. She actually sounded happily surprised.

"I didn't know either."

They were moving again; Regina wondered how far out of town the mall was.

"About half an hour," Robyn said, answering the unspoken question. "I heard about the bus. Congratulations. I love the name Piggy."

"What is his real name?" Regina asked. It was a totally unnecessary question, but she couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Neal. He really has it in for Emma… I think he has a crush on her."

Regina laughed, all the more when Robyn's eyes glittered with amusement, too.

"How's the new place?" Robyn asked. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't ask you questions. I mean, it must be hard, and I don't want to pressure you, I'm just interested. You're different than Emma and Tina."

Robyn seemed quite certain that no one was listening to them. Perhaps she saw Emma frown at them in the rear-view mirror, but if she did, she ignored her.

"Not just the way you look," she continued. "And I don't mean you're not tough, I can tell you can handle yourself, but you're not… you're not hard like they are. And you're," her eyes were glittering again, "far more beautiful, too."

Regina blushed. She thought of Kathryn, a distant memory now, though it had actually only been two years. Robyn grinned.

"What? No girl has told you you're beautiful before?"

Regina thought of Emma, now. Emma, who was still watching them in the mirror. Emma, who had completely ignored her this morning, despite their conversation the previous night. Emma, who was kind and caring one minute and fake and mean the next. Regina hardly knew who she was today.

"Don't swing that way, huh?" Robyn said. She didn't seem to mind.

Regina leaned back into her seat. "It is not about swinging. I am just not interested in being your flavour of the month. I appreciate the compliment, though."

Robyn grinned. "You're into someone else. Ooh, Ruby? She's gorgeous, I had a crush on her from the day she arrived."

"What is it with you and foster children?"

"It's not because of that! But you didn't deny it."

Regina shrugged. "I do not have to tell you anything."

Robyn caught her eye, smiling. "No, you don't. But you can - I mean, I'm not just interested in getting in your pants. I can drop that, if you want. I want to be friends, too. And maybe you can invite me over sometime when Ruby is there..?"

Regina smiled in spite of herself. "We shall see. So tell me about this mall."

"It's tiny and boring… But there's an arcade with an archery simulation that I'll happily kick your ass at. Unless you'd rather shop?"

Regina thought of her $10. She had an idea… She would need to buy a few things, though. She left Robyn without an answer - they had arrived, and once they were out of the car, Emma greeted her with an emerald glare.

"I see you're making friends," she said sourly. Regina met the glare with one of her own.

"I didn't know you cared," she said. Emma tried to think of a retort, but when she thought back to how she'd been in the car…

"Sorry," she whispered. "I… I get weird with them. And it's nice that you're making friends with Robyn."

Regina sighed. "I think our relationship is rather one sided. But she is kind to me, which I appreciate."

Emma put on her puppy face. "Am I not kind?"

Regina rolled her eyes. "No, dear, you are not."

Emma grinned. "Good. I'd much rather be a badass. Come on, I'll show you round. Meet you guys in the food court in a couple hours, yeah?"

And with that, she was dragging Regina by the hand into the small shopping centre. Robyn stared after them, surprised. Tina chuckled.

"Emma's such a weirdo," she said. Robyn ignored her.

* * *

"A toy store?"

Emma grinned. "Lighten up, Gina."

Regina raised her eyebrows.

"Sorry, _Re_gina." She put on a helmet similar to the ones favoured by princes in Disney movies.

"Charming," Regina said. Emma grabbed a plastic sword, though she put it back when one of the store clerks gave her a funny look. She returned the helmet, too, but picked up a crown from beside it, holding it out to Regina.

"Your majesty," she said with mock reverence. Regina did not take the crown, but she didn't resist when Emma put it on her head.

"Suits you," Emma told her.

Regina rolled her eyes and took off the crown before Emma could take a picture with her phone. She deliberated, wondering whether to run her plan for Christmas presents by Emma before going ahead with it.

"Do you think Granny would let me use the diner's kitchen?" she asked. Emma shrugged.

"Probably. Depends why, I guess."

Regina nodded. Emma studied her expression.

"Why do you want to use the diner's kitchen?"

Regina stayed silent. It was a stupid idea.

"Come on, tell me!"

Regina looked into the window of a small goodwill store they were passing, an object catching her eye. She tried to zoom in to the price tag without moving. Perfect.

She sighed. "I was thinking of baking Christmas cookies for everyone, since I cannot get them presents."

"Oh my God! I knew you were secretly adorable! I'm sure Granny'll let you use the kitchen. Can I help?"

Regina had seen this coming. "Yes. But if you spoil them, I may have to set you on fire."

Emma cackled. "Regina, was that a joke?"

Regina smiled, just slightly. "No."

They went for lunch; it was better than either of them had expected. Emma and Robyn both made an effort to include Regina in the conversation, and Regina made an effort to actually talk to them. She disappeared for a while saying she had to go to the bathroom, and made a quick call to Ruby, who gleefully promised to do as Regina requested.

* * *

It could have been worse. Regina remained silent for most of the journey back. Emma had paid for her lunch; she had felt quite uncomfortable about it, but had also realised her plan with Ruby would only work if she didn't spend most of the money she'd been given on food she didn't even want.

At least David seemed to be a reasonable driver. He got them home before their curfew, even abiding by all major traffic laws.

"When you look sad like that, I always wonder what you're thinking about," Emma said as they walked inside. Regina blushed. Tina rolled her eyes.

"She's probably thinking about her posh little life and all her money that she doesn't have any more," Tina suggested. Tina wasn't truly evil… She had been through a lot. That was what Regina said to herself as she forced images of beating the girl to a miserable pulp from her mind.

"Good day?" Granny asked them. Tina was carrying several large shopping bags. Emma had even made some purchases. Regina had nothing, but when the others had gone upstairs Granny beckoned to her to come into the office.

"Ruby told me about your plan. It's excellent. She'll get what you need tomorrow. And she said you had something else to ask me about?"

Regina nodded. "I would like to use the kitchen. I don't have the money to buy presents for everyone, but I am a proficient cook, so with your permission, perhaps on Christmas Eve, Emma and I could work in there?"

"Oh, Emma's in on it? That sounds like a step. I thought you two hated each other."

"It was a misunderstanding," Regina said. "May we?"

Granny chuckled. "You may. If you need any special ingredients, I'll be going grocery shopping the day before and you're welcome to either come along or give me a list."

Regina nodded. "Thank you."

She didn't know what had come over her. She had never done anything like this. Kathryn had, once. She had baked cookies for their whole class. That was sort of where Regina was taking the idea from, but she was going for more simplicity - just one batch of cookies. She had an idea to make them interesting, though. She had never been allowed to do anything like this, anything creative… Her mother had even prevented her in enrolling in art classes.

"Art is for those too stupid to do anything else."

So Regina had developed a great head for business, but she could hardly draw a stick man. She hoped she would be able to pull the plan off. She found Emma sprawled on their bedroom floor trying to read her Spanish copy of Don Quixote. She laughed.

"There actually is a movie," Emma said. "A cartoon. Do you really understand this?"

Regina nodded. "I'm fluent in Spanish, English, and French."

"Ooh, French, the language of lovers!"

Regina rolled her eyes. "Sure."

"How come you speak so many?"

Regina sat on the floor too, kind of for the novelty of it. She had never been allowed to sit on the floor before. It was vulgar, lowly, dirty…

"My father spoke Spanish, and taught me. And French… When I was a very little child, I had a French Au Pair. She was not with me for very long, but I was young and learned quickly, and when I started to take French classes in school, I found I had a good understanding of the language already."

"And your parents now…" Emma trailed off, not really wanting to push anything.

"My father died when I was nine. My mother is… I suppose she is at home."

Emma nodded.

"What about yours?" Regina asked, not wanting to be nosy, but deciding if Emma could ask, so could she.

"I don't know," Emma said. "I never knew them. I was found on the side of a freeway when I was a newborn. My parents just dumped me, didn't even bother to take me to a hospital. They were probably junkies."

Regina felt guilty for making the same assumption when she arrived.

"I think," she said carefully, "that these situations are far more complicated than we'll ever understand."

Emma sat up, handing Regina her book.

"Yeah," she said, unconvinced. She pointed to the cut on Regina's face.

"Your mom do that to you?"

She asked so directly that Regina, taken by surprise, simply said, "Yes."

"Shit."

"Worse things happen to people all the time."

Emma resisted the temptation to roll her eyes. She nudged Regina's shoe with her own.

"Wanna see something cool?"

Regina sighed, then got up to follow Emma out of the room. Apparently, it hadn't really been a question. Emma showed Regina downstairs, then down more stairs into a basement. It was a nice basement, fully decorated, not creepy or scary (like the one at Regina's old house had been). There were even windows, to Regina's relief. Emma led her into a large room with two exercise mats on the floor, and a heavy, worn punching bag hanging from the ceiling. She threw Regina a pair of gloves, not the huge boxing ones, just little ones to protect her knuckles.

"I never hit back," Emma said matter-of-factly. "It never even occurred to me. Not until I got here. It… It seems kind of strange at first, but if you're like me, you'll have a ton of anger inside you. And this guy can take it."

To Regina's amusement, she noticed a face had been drawn onto the punching bag.

"Do you want to have a shot?"

Regina looked down at her outfit. Emma laughed.

"You don't have to do a full on workout or something. Just hit it."

Regina considered this, then nodded. Emma grinned.

"I'll brace it for you," she said, going all professional and holding the bag like the gym teacher at school. Regina looked the bag up and down, wondering how to hit it. In the end she punched embarrassingly lightly, worried about hurting Emma, worried about doing something wrong…

Emma didn't comment. She had been like that too. She encouraged Regina to try again.

"I got it. Don't worry."

Regina hit a little harder. Emma steadied the bag. She was about to get the hang of it when Granny called them up for dinner. Regina sighed. Emma smiled.

"It's always here. You can just come down whenever… I can teach you, if you like. I can even teach you how to spar, with me, but I'm pretty awesome at it so…"

Regina rolled her eyes, but it was for show. Emma was bigger and stronger, clearly more muscular… Regina had never been very athletic. She had done ballet. She wondered if she and Emma were nothing more than a series of opposites. Blonde and brunette, tall and small, confident and shy, boxer and dancer… She wondered who _she _truly was. She didn't want to be a victim, she didn't want to be weak. She didn't really feel like a victim. She just felt kind of numb.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading! As always, lots of love, and please review x


	5. Chapter 5

Regina lay on the floor of the basement, the punch bag swinging above her as she contemplated the meaning of life. It was Christmas Eve. Everyone was busy, cooking, wrapping presents, preparing ever so secret surprises that Regina just couldn't manage to be excited about. It wasn't that she didn't feel included. She knew that everyone, even Tina, was trying to keep her involved. But no matter what they did, they were a family and she was an outsider. Her family was her mother. And that was something she would rather not consider the meaning of.

"It's almost our turn in the kitchen."

Regina turned to look at the lanky blonde in the doorway. Emma flashed her a lopsided smile.

"I see you've made a friend," she commented. Regina looked up at her swinging opponent.

"I'm not sure 'friend' is the correct term. But yes, we have been interacting."

"Good. You'll have to show me your skills. But not now. Because now you have to wash up, and then we're going to make cookies!"

Regina rolled out from under the punching bag and got up, still almost a head smaller than Emma. She could feel Emma looking at her.

"What?"

Emma blushed. She had been admiring the way Regina's work-out pants accentuated her assets.

"Nothing. Go shower. I'll meet you in the living room in twenty minutes."

Regina rolled her eyes at Emma giving her instructions, but ended up following them anyway. She showered quickly, looking forward to baking the cookies. She liked cooking… She looked down at the scar on her arm, the shiny red skin, burned by the flame on their huge gas cooker- She shuddered. That had been a long time ago. She pushed the thought out of her mind and focused on scrubbing the rest of her body, washing her hair and pulling it back into a tight braid.

Emma grinned at Regina's leggings-and-sweater combo.

"You look almost human," she commented. Regina looked down at her clothes. Her mother hated leggings, she had only ever worn them under her pants in winter to keep warm. But they were so comfortable…

"Thanks?" she said, raising an eyebrow. Emma led the way to the kitchen.

"Do you have a recipe?" she asked. Regina tapped the side of her head.

"In here. We need…" she reeled off a list of ingredients, helping Emma find them along with the correct cooking supplies.

Half an hour later they were both covered in flour and cinnamon cookie dough, an array of extravagantly shaped cookies on baking sheets in front of them. Emma moved to another counter, out of Regina's direct line of sight.

"Don't look!" she said when Regina tried to see what she was doing.

"Why not? Are you designing nuclear launch codes onto that one?"

Emma flicked some flour at her.

"No, I'm making _your _one and it's going to be a surprise."

"I don't like surprises."

"You'll like this one," Emma insisted. Regina realised that she was planning to surprise Emma, too. She started to clear the rest of the kitchen. By the time Emma was finished, the rest of the cookies were in the oven and most of the dishes were already done.

"You didn't have to-" Emma began, but Regina cut her off.

"I wanted to. What else was there to do?"

Emma took over the sink, squirting in a generous amount of washing up liquid and frothing it to create a vast quantity of bubbles. She turned on the radio with her wet hands (to Regina's horror) and even managed to find a station that wasn't playing Christmas music - golden oldies. Regina set about drying the dishes; Emma finished washing and wiped down the counters, dancing as she did so.

"How do you know all these songs?" Regina asked. Emma shrugged.

"I like listening to music. I listen to everything, I guess… But I know the older things because they're my favourites. Like… Dancing in the Moonlight. I want that one to play at my wedding."

Regina pursed her lips. "And who will you be marrying? Killian?"

Emma gasped. "Ew, gross! No thanks. But hey, what about you? Did you see anyone you like at school?"

Regina rolled her eyes. "I do not gossip about my love life."

"Ooh, so there is a love life to gossip about?"

Regina groaned. "No."

"What about Robyn?"

Regina narrowed her eyes. She detected a hint of jealousy in Emma's tone. She considered playing with her, but she just didn't have the energy. She didn't have the energy to consider the implications of the jealousy, either.

"We're just friends. Maybe. I don't like her in that way."

"So you don't like girls?"

"I didn't say that. I don't… I've never…" She trailed off, blushing at Emma's demanding questions.

"Sorry," Emma said. "I just… I thought you did. I got the vibe."

Regina bit her lip. "I… Perhaps I _do_. But I have never been in a position to act on it."

Emma put away the last of the dishes. All the cookies except her top secret masterpiece were out of the oven. She was a little sad that they would be leaving the kitchen… It was a kind of sanctuary, no one to bother them, a strange, clean space without any of the pressures of reality. She gave herself a shake. What was she even thinking? She was fifteen, she was way too young to be philosophical.

"I'm still sorry. It's not a big deal. I think… People just like who they like. It shouldn't be something to worry about."

Regina nodded. Then she gave Emma a look. "Do _you _like girls?"

Emma grinned. "Yes," she said happily. "Now scoot. I have to take your cookie out and I don't want you to see."

Regina reluctantly left the kitchen, feeling similarly to Emma about the space. She cleaned herself up, then knocked on Ruby's door to check on Emma's present one last time. It was stupid - inanimate objects did not need checking on. She just wanted to look at it, to think about it, to question again and again whether Emma would like it… Maybe it was too shabby, maybe it wouldn't be right-

"Kid, you gotta stop second guessing yourself. She'll love it, it's an amazing idea."

Regina sighed and looked up at Ruby.

"I hope you're right."

"I am! Now come on, it's almost dinner time. We do a special Christmas Eve thing, kind of like Thanksgiving."

Regina approached the meal with apprehension. She didn't like having to eat, her mother had always insisted on clean plates, perfect manners, not even the smallest slip up. And, as she had feared, before they ate Granny began a speech about how lucky they all were, then asked everyone to say something they were thankful for this holiday season before they began the meal. Regina's seat meant that she would be last; she prayed desperately that someone else would say something to give her an idea.

"I am thankful for my family," Granny said. "I'm thankful for our home, for the love and hope that holds us together, and for the wonderful meal we're about to enjoy."

Ruby rolled her eyes. "Well _I _am thankful for design school. They just got back to me, I'm doing a correspondence course starting in January!"

After a stream of congratulations, Tina declared that she was thankful for school, her friends, and her family.

"I've never been in such a good place," she admitted, in a rare moment of genuine sweetness. "I'm so safe and happy here. I'll always be thankful for that."

Emma looked around as if coming to a decision. When everyone had finished cooing over Tina's statement, she looked straight at Regina. "I'm thankful for Regina. She's awesome, and I know it sucks that shit happened to get her here, but I'm really glad she is, anyway. Also, I'm _incredibly _thankful for food, so girl, you better say your thing quickly because I am _starved_!"

Regina was stunned. She knew Emma was being nice to her, and she'd tried to hide it with the food thing afterwards, but… Emma _liked _her. Really liked her. Wanted to have her around.

"I'm…" she began weakly. Anything she said would be a lie. Thankful for being allowed to ride like it was a big deal when she had been doing it all her life? Thankful for the bed in a shared room when she'd had a room three times the size all to herself? Thankful for the meal she felt sick at the thought of? Thankful for these people she hardly knew? Thankful for being here when the reasons were so-

"Excuse me, I'm so sorry," she said, stumbling out of her seat and practically running from the room.

Emma moved to go after her but Granny held her back.

"Let her go," the older woman said gently. "She has to feel it."

Emma glared at her plate, suddenly uninterested in the food. "She must really hate us," she said dejectedly.

"No. She's just got a lot to deal with. Remember what you were like in your first week here? Now add to that the fact that this is her first time in any kind of foster home. She's going through hell," Granny said.

Emma pushed some roast ham around with her fork. "Then why did you make her do it? The thankful thing?"

"Because she has to think about these things. She has to find a way to live the life she's in. And because it is our tradition, and it's a good one. She has things to be thankful for, too."

Emma threw down her fork.

"You just said she's going through hell! Why do you want to make her thankful?"

Granny frowned. "She has to look for the light."

Emma stood.

"Look, I understand what you're trying to do and I'm sorry for leaving the table but I don't think she's ready! She's doing great, she's almost making friends with me but she was just embarrassed back there. She wanted to be thankful, she just… We all said family."

Tina rolled her eyes at Emma's immature infatuation. Granny frowned even more as she realised Emma had a point. Ruby tried to concentrate on eating. Emma left the room.

Regina was sitting against her bed, her knees pulled up to her chin, her eyes tight shut, her hands balled into fists. She heard Emma come in.

"Go away," she muttered. Emma sat down beside her.

"I meant what I said. That I'm thankful for you."

Regina dug her nails into her palms even harder.

"I am not responsible for your idiocy."

Emma grinned. "That was almost a joke, Princess."

Regina sighed.

"I… I'm not thankful. I'm not thankful that I'm here. I… But I should have said something. I had something to say."

Emma waited, not wanting to push.

"I'm thankful for you. But that would just have sounded like copying. Or like something an infatuated couple would say. And… Also the punching bag. I really like the punching bag."

Emma laughed.

"You're amazing, Regina, you know that?"

Regina opened her eyes and looked at Emma as if to say, how can you possibly think that?

"You just are. You're hilarious. You're so cute and poised and girly, but you love this punching bag. You pretend you're mean but you make Christmas cookies. You hate it here and you want to go all wild and crazy but then you're embarrassed when you can't think of what to be thankful for. And… And you like me. That's the best part."

Regina continued to stare. There was a long pause.

"Maybe I poisoned the cookies," Regina said quietly. Emma laughed again, then slowly scooted around so she was opposite Regina and reached out to take her hands. When Regina didn't resist, Emma carefully uncurled her fingers until they were properly holding hands like a weird kind of trust exercise. She listened to Regina's breathing gradually even out and slow, all the while rubbing circles on Regina's palms with her thumbs.

"I left my dinner," Emma said after almost half an hour. "Want to come down and eat? Ruby might have left us some."

Regina looked at her for a moment as if to say, "Do I have to?" But it was only a moment, and then she pulled herself together, snatched her hands back to herself, and got to her feet. Emma got up, examining Regina's hard expression, wondering if she'd done the right thing to ask her to come back downstairs. She felt as if she had, but Regina looked so distant, now, so unfeeling… Emma followed her downstairs and into the kitchen, where two plates of food were waiting for them in the oven. Granny was waiting for them too, though she didn't seem to know exactly what she wanted to say.

"It's a long standing tradition of ours," she began, sounding almost defensive. Regina already knew that adults were often wrong. She liked Granny, though. And she couldn't decide… Mostly, Regina just felt guilty.

"It's a nice tradition," Regina whispered, taking her plate and sitting at the table, staring at the monstrous looking meal. It wasn't that she didn't like the food, it smelled delicious, but the smell still made her sick. She licked her lips, her mouth suddenly incredibly dry. Her tongue felt like sandpaper.

Emma dug into her meal, flicking her eyes up to Regina, wondering why she wasn't eating. Granny had said a few more things… When she left the room Emma gritted her teeth, then spoke.

"You can talk about it. I know you don't want to, but… it might help."

Regina put down her fork. It was obvious she wasn't going to eat anything. Her throat felt so tight she could hardly speak.

"Talk about what?"

"Why you're not eating."

"I'm not hungry." It wasn't really a lie. She _wasn't _hungry.

Emma pushed away her plate. She was pretty much done, anyway.

"I'll be right back," she said. Regina sat at the table, helpless. Emma reappeared after a minute.

"Come on," she said. She led the way to the hallway and handed Regina a bulky jacket and a beanie.

"These aren't mine," Regina said.

"No. Jacket's a hand-me-down. I like it. It's really warm. And the hat's mine."

Regina put the clothes on, wondering what Emma was planning. For a moment she considered the possibility that Emma might be running away with her. But that was ridiculous. They were in the middle of nowhere on Christmas Eve. There would be no buses until morning, at least. And even then, where would they go? She put on her boots; Emma was also dressed in a snow-proof outfit. She opened the door for Regina, who stepped out into the icy darkness.

Emma led the way out into the middle of the road. There were no cars, it was completely deserted. Snowflakes floated down from the somehow starry sky, almost as if they were stars themselves. Emma took a deep breath of freezing air, then pulled out her phone. She'd even shoved her speaker in her pocket. She plugged it in, then set it and the phone on the ground. She pressed play.

The introduction of the song reminded Regina of a music box she'd had when she was very young. Her father had given it to her. She bit her lip. Emma grabbed her hand.

"Dance with me," she said. Regina blushed at how close Emma held her, but she moved her feet, the music getting to her somehow. To her surprise, Emma sang the words, deep and husky in her ear.

They moved together until the song ended. When it did, the silence took them both by surprise. Regina hunched up inside her coat. Emma picked up her phone from the ground.

"Why did you do that?" Regina asked. Emma didn't look at her.

"Because it's like he says in the song. Dancing makes you feel… Like, free. Natural."

There was a pause.

"It worked," Regina said finally. Emma managed to make eye contact, blushing all the while.

"I… You needed to get out of there. I recognised the feeling."

"Thank you."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Regina shook her head, her automatic reaction, but at the same time she felt words slipping out of her mouth.

"I've never talked about it. I've never felt safe, I can't even eat a fucking meal without having a panic attack…"

Before she knew what was happening, her body was shaking with violent sobs. Emma put her hands on Regina's shoulders, but she was afraid to touch her any more than that.

"You're safe with me," she whispered. Regina looked up, her face blotchy and stained with tears.

"Why do you even care?" she choked.

Emma bit her lip. "Like I said earlier. Because you're great. But… You need to talk, Regina. You can talk to Granny, or Ruby, or Dr. Hopper, he's the shrink they'll send you to… They're all good people. It doesn't have to be me but-"

"No. It… I… It's you," Regina said softly. Emma waited.

"I want to talk to you," Regina continued. "I just… I don't know how."

Emma gripped her shoulders more tightly. "Look at the moon. Look at the stars. Breathe in the smell of the snow. And whatever it is that's weighing down your heart the most right now, just say it. I know it feels impossible, I know it's awful and painful and you never want to say it because saying it out loud will make it real, but it's already real, Regina, and when you finally do say it, I promise you, that heaviness in your heart, it won't go away, but it'll get lighter."

Regina looked up, past Emma, past the strange little town, into the sky, the infinite universe that she was a tiny, insignificant part of.

"She would take away my cutlery and put my plate on the floor and make me eat it there. She said I ate like an animal so I would be fed like one. I ate too slowly, if I tried to eat faster it was disgusting, if I was silent I was rude, if I tried to speak I was an idiot, if I finished the food I was greedy, if I didn't I was wasteful, if she was angry she wouldn't let me eat for days, even at school, she would _know_, she used it for everything, to manipulate me, to punish me… She would always watch, like she enjoyed it, like humiliating me was some kind of entertainment for her. And now I hate eating, especially in front of people, especially when it's a big deal. I know I'm going to do something wrong, I know I'm going to seem ungrateful, and the meal looked amazing but even the sight of it made me feel sick."

Once she'd started, the stream of words flowed easily, out into the darkness, out of her and into the air. Emma's hands never left her shoulders until she finished speaking and Emma used her thumbs to brush away the fresh tears on Regina's cheeks.

"It wasn't your fault," Emma said, echoing the phrase she had been told over and over again. "What she did was very, very wrong, and it wasn't your fault."

Regina leaned her cheek into Emma's hand; Emma cradled her face.

"Thank you for telling me," Emma said.

"You were right," Regina admitted. "It does feel better."

The corner of Emma's mouth twitched up in a smile.

"I'm always right."

"You're worth so much, Regina. You deserve so much happiness. I know it's going to take a long time for that to really sink in, but…" Emma trailed off, not really knowing where her sentence had been going.

"Thank you," Regina whispered.

Emma was still holding her face. Regina watched as Emma bit down on her bottom lip, cast her eyes down to the snowy ground and then back up, then took a step forward so their faces were only an inch away from touching.

Emma could feel her heart thundering away in her rib cage, pounding so fast she thought she might burst. She looked into Regina's eyes, dark and sad but with a flicker of hope, a flicker of light.

Their lips pressed together so suddenly neither of them knew who had initiated it. They broke apart again after a few seconds, but a few seconds had been enough. Emma gasped. She had reopened the cut on Regina's lip. She brought a hand up to stem the trickle of blood. Regina winced in pain.

"I'm so sorry-" Emma began, but Regina shook her head vehemently.

"So worth it," she muttered. Emma smiled cautiously.

"Really? You… You liked it?"

Regina blushed. "Yes," she whispered. Emma wanted to sing and dance and do cartwheels in the street.

"I think, by the huge grin on your face, it's safe to assume you liked it too," Regina said, a wry humour in her voice that made Emma grin even more.

"Yes," she said, echoing Regina's simple response. Then she pulled the beautiful girl in front of her in for the tightest, safest hug Regina had ever been a part of.

* * *

A/N: I know, it's been forever, but here is an update, and loads of love to you!


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